Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Thank You.
Thank you for making it clear and bringing it to my attention. :) I really do appreciate it.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Over it...for one and for all!
So this weekend was a very long fun interesting one.
Friday night I had Hec over and of course he gets into his jealous modes where he thinks that I'm fucking every man alive. I have no idea where he gets this notion from. I have NEVER cheated on him. We had that break for a month or so and yeah I went out on two dates. Nothing special just me and a friend saying hey, why don’t we go see a movie and get dinner. I don’t think wither of us even considered it a date. But anyways, every text I get, (I text a lot btw) from any of my girlfriends, guy friends who ever, Hector throws a fit thinking I MUST be fucking them. Its gotten to the point where I know he will bitch so its like whatever. Even if I don’t respond to texts, he will hear my phone beep and bitch bitch groan groan, bitch bitch ugh its no annoying! So Friday, I'm not even responding to texts from friends when I receive them, I'm trying to make it a point that im spending time with him, but of corse im not going to tell all my friends “hey stop texting me so Hec wont bitch” So Hec gets drunk, throws a fit about the people texting me. I even show him that its just girlfriends but he just throws a fit. So I just say “whatever, I don’t want to fight, im going to bed.” Well about 3am a wake up and notice Hec in is in bed with me and he quickly hid something under his pillow. So of course I reach to see what it is. Its my friggin cell phone!!! He had texted one of my best guy friends. However my inbox messages were deleted and all that was in my outbox was “right, im sure she doesn't even know you are writing this, real mature, great boyfriend you are” From my friend Josh. So text josh and ask him what Hec said. After he confirmed it was me lol. he forwarded the texts that hector sent to him. Hec said basically to back off because I'm with him (Hec) and that I sucked his dick all night long. WTF!?!?! Who says that? I was Infuriated. Not only did he text thru my phone to one of my friends. He embarrassed me and he had to put Josh in an odd position and just plain who does that?!?! SO I told him to sleep on the couch. I was so over it and If it wasn’t that his birthday was on Monday (yesterday) I would have left in a second and never talked to him. He is just becoming this Jealous, mean, selfish person. This is NOT the loving, romantic, sweet, giving, hot hector I fell in love with. And im sorry, maybe its because of my bad marriage and how un happy I was, I will not put myself through something like that again. I have my nanas 80th bday party to go to on Saturday and though I do not want to bring him because I need Hec to see that I'm not going to put up with these childish games he is putting on, at the same time I don’t want my whole family asking questions as so why Hectors not there, ect. They love him. And I have a BIG family – that would be a lot of questions. Idk. I'm just sick of it all. I'm better than this and I deserve better.
And then this leads me to Sunday night. My Josh calls, he knows I’m a bit upset and he wants to console me and give me advice yada yada. So he calls at 11pm…the next thing I know, my 5:30am alarm for work is going off! We were on the phone from 11 to 6am. I have NEVER talked to someone that long. Ever. It was never awkward, never unpleasant. We just talked forever about everything. I told him things I haven’t really told anyone but he made it so comfortable and so fun. He is very different from all the guys I have been with and maybe that’s good. A part of me thinks we could never work but that’s just me basing it off bad relationships in the past. We both have young daughters and work full time, it would be hard. But anyways im getting WAYY ahead of myself. He said he’s falling for me hard. I don’t know that I'm ready for that. I mean shit, I haven’t even shaken Hec off. Idk. I think that when I officially break up with hector that I will just be single for a while. I keep saying that and then I keep taking hector back but damn, how many chances am I going to give him? Our entire relationship has been about him fucking up and then kissing my ass to win me over again lol I like the kissing ass part. We had an amazing like 4months in the middle of all this drama where we were perfect. We were amazing and that was how love is supposed to be. But Hec gets carried away and lost and all im doing is finding him, bringing him back to reality and then watching him MAKE himself lost again. I'm tired of it. I really am.
Friday night I had Hec over and of course he gets into his jealous modes where he thinks that I'm fucking every man alive. I have no idea where he gets this notion from. I have NEVER cheated on him. We had that break for a month or so and yeah I went out on two dates. Nothing special just me and a friend saying hey, why don’t we go see a movie and get dinner. I don’t think wither of us even considered it a date. But anyways, every text I get, (I text a lot btw) from any of my girlfriends, guy friends who ever, Hector throws a fit thinking I MUST be fucking them. Its gotten to the point where I know he will bitch so its like whatever. Even if I don’t respond to texts, he will hear my phone beep and bitch bitch groan groan, bitch bitch ugh its no annoying! So Friday, I'm not even responding to texts from friends when I receive them, I'm trying to make it a point that im spending time with him, but of corse im not going to tell all my friends “hey stop texting me so Hec wont bitch” So Hec gets drunk, throws a fit about the people texting me. I even show him that its just girlfriends but he just throws a fit. So I just say “whatever, I don’t want to fight, im going to bed.” Well about 3am a wake up and notice Hec in is in bed with me and he quickly hid something under his pillow. So of course I reach to see what it is. Its my friggin cell phone!!! He had texted one of my best guy friends. However my inbox messages were deleted and all that was in my outbox was “right, im sure she doesn't even know you are writing this, real mature, great boyfriend you are” From my friend Josh. So text josh and ask him what Hec said. After he confirmed it was me lol. he forwarded the texts that hector sent to him. Hec said basically to back off because I'm with him (Hec) and that I sucked his dick all night long. WTF!?!?! Who says that? I was Infuriated. Not only did he text thru my phone to one of my friends. He embarrassed me and he had to put Josh in an odd position and just plain who does that?!?! SO I told him to sleep on the couch. I was so over it and If it wasn’t that his birthday was on Monday (yesterday) I would have left in a second and never talked to him. He is just becoming this Jealous, mean, selfish person. This is NOT the loving, romantic, sweet, giving, hot hector I fell in love with. And im sorry, maybe its because of my bad marriage and how un happy I was, I will not put myself through something like that again. I have my nanas 80th bday party to go to on Saturday and though I do not want to bring him because I need Hec to see that I'm not going to put up with these childish games he is putting on, at the same time I don’t want my whole family asking questions as so why Hectors not there, ect. They love him. And I have a BIG family – that would be a lot of questions. Idk. I'm just sick of it all. I'm better than this and I deserve better.
And then this leads me to Sunday night. My Josh calls, he knows I’m a bit upset and he wants to console me and give me advice yada yada. So he calls at 11pm…the next thing I know, my 5:30am alarm for work is going off! We were on the phone from 11 to 6am. I have NEVER talked to someone that long. Ever. It was never awkward, never unpleasant. We just talked forever about everything. I told him things I haven’t really told anyone but he made it so comfortable and so fun. He is very different from all the guys I have been with and maybe that’s good. A part of me thinks we could never work but that’s just me basing it off bad relationships in the past. We both have young daughters and work full time, it would be hard. But anyways im getting WAYY ahead of myself. He said he’s falling for me hard. I don’t know that I'm ready for that. I mean shit, I haven’t even shaken Hec off. Idk. I think that when I officially break up with hector that I will just be single for a while. I keep saying that and then I keep taking hector back but damn, how many chances am I going to give him? Our entire relationship has been about him fucking up and then kissing my ass to win me over again lol I like the kissing ass part. We had an amazing like 4months in the middle of all this drama where we were perfect. We were amazing and that was how love is supposed to be. But Hec gets carried away and lost and all im doing is finding him, bringing him back to reality and then watching him MAKE himself lost again. I'm tired of it. I really am.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Its been a while!
Wow! I have not written snc July 21st! Its not that I have been to busy or that there’s been nothing to write about I have just been lazy lol. every time I consider writing something I ask myself do I really even feel like explaining everything right now? The answer is always. NOPE! But now it’s a Friday, im here at work, and don’t feel like using my brain for anything productive lol. SO a quick run down of what has happened the past 2 ½ months.
The courts awarded me partial full custody. Does that make ANY sense? Lol it didn’t to me either but it’s a way the word it so that Scott wont have to pay me child support because we both decided to wave that opportunity yet still make it so I am in charge of all the happenings with Kendra. The plan was that Scott watches Ken 3 days a week while I am at work and she attends her preschool the other two days. Then every other week he has 2 overnights with her. Of course that has not happened. He only has one -two overnights with her a MONTH. I'm not hating on it bc she seems to be in better spirits. Well they also ordered him to attend anger management and complete a drug and alcohol 20week class. He has not done that either. Not much changed, he was still skipping days of seeing her, drinking, partying ect but I just said whatever. As long as kens safe and with me. Buuut then the other day Ken gets to my work exhausted, pale looking and just weak. She was saying shes hungry to I handed her a granola bar I happened to have in my desk and she said she wanted real food. After eating my lunch she went to explain that daddy did not feed her all day and when I asked what daddy would say when she said she was hungry she said that his reply was “wait till you get to your moms”. That was it. I was LIVID! How do you not feed your child!? So I called up my lawyer, we talked for a very long time. We came up with a plan of action, took the steps necessary that night (I don’t want the wrong person knowing and it blowing our case) and we have put it on hold to see if he will allow me to enroll her in a preschool near me. I offered to pay for everything. He seems okay with it. If he takes it back and dose not allow me to put her in a preschool near me (continue to read the exiting news on why I want it out by my work belooww) then we will take the evidence we have and MAKE it happen. He has been in very good spirits this past week. We have been able to talk without wanting to rip each others eyes out lol I'm hoping it will stay. I do enjoy him as a friend.
Hector and I are doing well. He knows that I'm not trying to be to serious right now. I love him and I plan to marry him but I also want to take some time to myself and enjoy just being me and not “Amanda and Scott” or Amanda and Hector” that’s all its been for 6 years now. I’d like to be just Amanda for now. Lol.
And in the best news of alllll… All my saving and hard research has paid off! November 28th Kendra, myself and Hec are moving in to a 4 bedroom home with a huge back yard in Pleasanton!! It’s a foreclosed home which I thought I would never want to do and parts of me still feel very bad about it because, well, that was some ones home. But at the same time, I cant turn down a two story, Four bedroom, 2 bath, huge back yard home for a tiny bit more than I was paying for my apartment! I'm sooo exited!! I know that once we start paying this new rent money will be tight, ESP since I will be paying the $900.00 preschool tuition on my own! But I think it will be worth it! this will be my home. Our home. I cant even begin to explain my excitement about it all! I know what I said above about me not wanting to be too serious with Hec and yet we are moving into a new home doesn't make much since lol but heres the deal. Kendra and I are moving in. A friend of mine and her son are staying for a month while she is visiting for the holidays and then a few weeks after they leave Hec will come.
That’s the plan. I'm hoping I don’t like living on my own TOO much lol. I love Hector, I do want him forever I just need to get over this commitment issue. And this other guy haha. It happens. Lol I needed to test the waters and as awesome at Jay is, I just don’t see me falling in love with him the way he is in love with me. He just had a baby last month, he is an amazing dad. The mom is kinda a head case but he is amazing. He is just to negative! Lol. Then again so is Hec, however I have had a year 1/2 with hector so he knows me inside and out and loves everything about me. I don’t feel like going through the whole “getting to know you” stage with Jay. Too much work. I'm over it. So I will have my fun until Hec moves in and we decided to take our next step in our relationship…being SERIOUS once again lol. I know Hec is serious about me and I cant say how much I appreciate his understanding in my needed in independence for a while. Hes awesome.
Okay! Just finsished my coffee now I Have a date with my whitning mouth wash! (that’s a pretty sight to leave you with ahah) toodles!
The courts awarded me partial full custody. Does that make ANY sense? Lol it didn’t to me either but it’s a way the word it so that Scott wont have to pay me child support because we both decided to wave that opportunity yet still make it so I am in charge of all the happenings with Kendra. The plan was that Scott watches Ken 3 days a week while I am at work and she attends her preschool the other two days. Then every other week he has 2 overnights with her. Of course that has not happened. He only has one -two overnights with her a MONTH. I'm not hating on it bc she seems to be in better spirits. Well they also ordered him to attend anger management and complete a drug and alcohol 20week class. He has not done that either. Not much changed, he was still skipping days of seeing her, drinking, partying ect but I just said whatever. As long as kens safe and with me. Buuut then the other day Ken gets to my work exhausted, pale looking and just weak. She was saying shes hungry to I handed her a granola bar I happened to have in my desk and she said she wanted real food. After eating my lunch she went to explain that daddy did not feed her all day and when I asked what daddy would say when she said she was hungry she said that his reply was “wait till you get to your moms”. That was it. I was LIVID! How do you not feed your child!? So I called up my lawyer, we talked for a very long time. We came up with a plan of action, took the steps necessary that night (I don’t want the wrong person knowing and it blowing our case) and we have put it on hold to see if he will allow me to enroll her in a preschool near me. I offered to pay for everything. He seems okay with it. If he takes it back and dose not allow me to put her in a preschool near me (continue to read the exiting news on why I want it out by my work belooww) then we will take the evidence we have and MAKE it happen. He has been in very good spirits this past week. We have been able to talk without wanting to rip each others eyes out lol I'm hoping it will stay. I do enjoy him as a friend.
Hector and I are doing well. He knows that I'm not trying to be to serious right now. I love him and I plan to marry him but I also want to take some time to myself and enjoy just being me and not “Amanda and Scott” or Amanda and Hector” that’s all its been for 6 years now. I’d like to be just Amanda for now. Lol.
And in the best news of alllll… All my saving and hard research has paid off! November 28th Kendra, myself and Hec are moving in to a 4 bedroom home with a huge back yard in Pleasanton!! It’s a foreclosed home which I thought I would never want to do and parts of me still feel very bad about it because, well, that was some ones home. But at the same time, I cant turn down a two story, Four bedroom, 2 bath, huge back yard home for a tiny bit more than I was paying for my apartment! I'm sooo exited!! I know that once we start paying this new rent money will be tight, ESP since I will be paying the $900.00 preschool tuition on my own! But I think it will be worth it! this will be my home. Our home. I cant even begin to explain my excitement about it all! I know what I said above about me not wanting to be too serious with Hec and yet we are moving into a new home doesn't make much since lol but heres the deal. Kendra and I are moving in. A friend of mine and her son are staying for a month while she is visiting for the holidays and then a few weeks after they leave Hec will come.
That’s the plan. I'm hoping I don’t like living on my own TOO much lol. I love Hector, I do want him forever I just need to get over this commitment issue. And this other guy haha. It happens. Lol I needed to test the waters and as awesome at Jay is, I just don’t see me falling in love with him the way he is in love with me. He just had a baby last month, he is an amazing dad. The mom is kinda a head case but he is amazing. He is just to negative! Lol. Then again so is Hec, however I have had a year 1/2 with hector so he knows me inside and out and loves everything about me. I don’t feel like going through the whole “getting to know you” stage with Jay. Too much work. I'm over it. So I will have my fun until Hec moves in and we decided to take our next step in our relationship…being SERIOUS once again lol. I know Hec is serious about me and I cant say how much I appreciate his understanding in my needed in independence for a while. Hes awesome.
Okay! Just finsished my coffee now I Have a date with my whitning mouth wash! (that’s a pretty sight to leave you with ahah) toodles!
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