My Life

My Life. My Love.

The Saddest Thing..

“She is so lost in her lies and fantasies that she can’t see what it is that is in front of her. Her Life, Passing her by. every moment, every instant. It is the saddest thing to sit and watch her live her past in replay after replay. What can I do to make her see that her life has moved on though she has not.”

Thank You.

Thank you for making it clear and bringing it to my attention. :) I really do appreciate it.

Over it...for one and for all!

So this weekend was a very long fun interesting one.
Friday night I had Hec over and of course he gets into his jealous modes where he thinks that I'm fucking every man alive. I have no idea where he gets this notion from. I have NEVER cheated on him. We had that break for a month or so and yeah I went out on two dates. Nothing special just me and a friend saying hey, why don’t we go see a movie and get dinner. I don’t think wither of us even considered it a date. But anyways, every text I get, (I text a lot btw) from any of my girlfriends, guy friends who ever, Hector throws a fit thinking I MUST be fucking them. Its gotten to the point where I know he will bitch so its like whatever. Even if I don’t respond to texts, he will hear my phone beep and bitch bitch groan groan, bitch bitch ugh its no annoying! So Friday, I'm not even responding to texts from friends when I receive them, I'm trying to make it a point that im spending time with him, but of corse im not going to tell all my friends “hey stop texting me so Hec wont bitch” So Hec gets drunk, throws a fit about the people texting me. I even show him that its just girlfriends but he just throws a fit. So I just say “whatever, I don’t want to fight, im going to bed.” Well about 3am a wake up and notice Hec in is in bed with me and he quickly hid something under his pillow. So of course I reach to see what it is. Its my friggin cell phone!!! He had texted one of my best guy friends. However my inbox messages were deleted and all that was in my outbox was “right, im sure she doesn't even know you are writing this, real mature, great boyfriend you are” From my friend Josh. So text josh and ask him what Hec said. After he confirmed it was me lol. he forwarded the texts that hector sent to him. Hec said basically to back off because I'm with him (Hec) and that I sucked his dick all night long. WTF!?!?! Who says that? I was Infuriated. Not only did he text thru my phone to one of my friends. He embarrassed me and he had to put Josh in an odd position and just plain who does that?!?! SO I told him to sleep on the couch. I was so over it and If it wasn’t that his birthday was on Monday (yesterday) I would have left in a second and never talked to him. He is just becoming this Jealous, mean, selfish person. This is NOT the loving, romantic, sweet, giving, hot hector I fell in love with. And im sorry, maybe its because of my bad marriage and how un happy I was, I will not put myself through something like that again. I have my nanas 80th bday party to go to on Saturday and though I do not want to bring him because I need Hec to see that I'm not going to put up with these childish games he is putting on, at the same time I don’t want my whole family asking questions as so why Hectors not there, ect. They love him. And I have a BIG family – that would be a lot of questions. Idk. I'm just sick of it all. I'm better than this and I deserve better.
And then this leads me to Sunday night. My Josh calls, he knows I’m a bit upset and he wants to console me and give me advice yada yada. So he calls at 11pm…the next thing I know, my 5:30am alarm for work is going off! We were on the phone from 11 to 6am. I have NEVER talked to someone that long. Ever. It was never awkward, never unpleasant. We just talked forever about everything. I told him things I haven’t really told anyone but he made it so comfortable and so fun. He is very different from all the guys I have been with and maybe that’s good. A part of me thinks we could never work but that’s just me basing it off bad relationships in the past. We both have young daughters and work full time, it would be hard. But anyways im getting WAYY ahead of myself. He said he’s falling for me hard. I don’t know that I'm ready for that. I mean shit, I haven’t even shaken Hec off. Idk. I think that when I officially break up with hector that I will just be single for a while. I keep saying that and then I keep taking hector back but damn, how many chances am I going to give him? Our entire relationship has been about him fucking up and then kissing my ass to win me over again lol I like the kissing ass part. We had an amazing like 4months in the middle of all this drama where we were perfect. We were amazing and that was how love is supposed to be. But Hec gets carried away and lost and all im doing is finding him, bringing him back to reality and then watching him MAKE himself lost again. I'm tired of it. I really am.

Its been a while!

Wow! I have not written snc July 21st! Its not that I have been to busy or that there’s been nothing to write about I have just been lazy lol. every time I consider writing something I ask myself do I really even feel like explaining everything right now? The answer is always. NOPE! But now it’s a Friday, im here at work, and don’t feel like using my brain for anything productive lol. SO a quick run down of what has happened the past 2 ½ months.
The courts awarded me partial full custody. Does that make ANY sense? Lol it didn’t to me either but it’s a way the word it so that Scott wont have to pay me child support because we both decided to wave that opportunity yet still make it so I am in charge of all the happenings with Kendra. The plan was that Scott watches Ken 3 days a week while I am at work and she attends her preschool the other two days. Then every other week he has 2 overnights with her. Of course that has not happened. He only has one -two overnights with her a MONTH. I'm not hating on it bc she seems to be in better spirits. Well they also ordered him to attend anger management and complete a drug and alcohol 20week class. He has not done that either. Not much changed, he was still skipping days of seeing her, drinking, partying ect but I just said whatever. As long as kens safe and with me. Buuut then the other day Ken gets to my work exhausted, pale looking and just weak. She was saying shes hungry to I handed her a granola bar I happened to have in my desk and she said she wanted real food. After eating my lunch she went to explain that daddy did not feed her all day and when I asked what daddy would say when she said she was hungry she said that his reply was “wait till you get to your moms”. That was it. I was LIVID! How do you not feed your child!? So I called up my lawyer, we talked for a very long time. We came up with a plan of action, took the steps necessary that night (I don’t want the wrong person knowing and it blowing our case) and we have put it on hold to see if he will allow me to enroll her in a preschool near me. I offered to pay for everything. He seems okay with it. If he takes it back and dose not allow me to put her in a preschool near me (continue to read the exiting news on why I want it out by my work belooww) then we will take the evidence we have and MAKE it happen. He has been in very good spirits this past week. We have been able to talk without wanting to rip each others eyes out lol I'm hoping it will stay. I do enjoy him as a friend.
Hector and I are doing well. He knows that I'm not trying to be to serious right now. I love him and I plan to marry him but I also want to take some time to myself and enjoy just being me and not “Amanda and Scott” or Amanda and Hector” that’s all its been for 6 years now. I’d like to be just Amanda for now. Lol.
And in the best news of alllll… All my saving and hard research has paid off! November 28th Kendra, myself and Hec are moving in to a 4 bedroom home with a huge back yard in Pleasanton!! It’s a foreclosed home which I thought I would never want to do and parts of me still feel very bad about it because, well, that was some ones home. But at the same time, I cant turn down a two story, Four bedroom, 2 bath, huge back yard home for a tiny bit more than I was paying for my apartment! I'm sooo exited!! I know that once we start paying this new rent money will be tight, ESP since I will be paying the $900.00 preschool tuition on my own! But I think it will be worth it! this will be my home. Our home. I cant even begin to explain my excitement about it all! I know what I said above about me not wanting to be too serious with Hec and yet we are moving into a new home doesn't make much since lol but heres the deal. Kendra and I are moving in. A friend of mine and her son are staying for a month while she is visiting for the holidays and then a few weeks after they leave Hec will come.
That’s the plan. I'm hoping I don’t like living on my own TOO much lol. I love Hector, I do want him forever I just need to get over this commitment issue. And this other guy haha. It happens. Lol I needed to test the waters and as awesome at Jay is, I just don’t see me falling in love with him the way he is in love with me. He just had a baby last month, he is an amazing dad. The mom is kinda a head case but he is amazing. He is just to negative! Lol. Then again so is Hec, however I have had a year 1/2 with hector so he knows me inside and out and loves everything about me. I don’t feel like going through the whole “getting to know you” stage with Jay. Too much work. I'm over it. So I will have my fun until Hec moves in and we decided to take our next step in our relationship…being SERIOUS once again lol. I know Hec is serious about me and I cant say how much I appreciate his understanding in my needed in independence for a while. Hes awesome.
Okay! Just finsished my coffee now I Have a date with my whitning mouth wash! (that’s a pretty sight to leave you with ahah) toodles!

Our Wonderful Weekend!

Good Morning!
Our trip and my cousins wedding was so much fun! We didn’t want it to end! But who really wants a vacation to end? The drive down there was not bad at all, we talked and joked and I made an ass load of CD’s b4 we went down there. We stopped here and there to take pictures, eat and explore and we finally arrived at our hotel at about 4pm, checked in, grabbed a margarita for me and a beer for Hec and went up to our room. This room was insane! It was massive! The bathroom was the best, it had this amazing marble rounded shower that I fell in love with and decided I need to win the lotto so I can get this exact bathroom in my house! Lol. I was a little scared because I know when I was booking the hotel I was looking at pictures of the suites just for the fun of it and I was scared I booked us a suite (I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to pay for that! Lol) so if our room was that big I cant imagine what the suites were like. Anyways, we un packed and as we were doing so I looked out the window down at the pool and there were all my cousins waving up at us lol. they were staying at the same hotel because it was close to where my cousin Nicks wedding was going to be. So we threw on our bathing suits and went down and spent a few hours in the pool. Then we all got out and got ready for happy hour. The Hooper family never misses a happy hour! Lol. I don’t think the Marriott has ever seen a happy hour like that one lol. but they tolerated us so I thank them. They we moved the party upstairs to one of my cousins rooms (keep in mind I have 20 cousins all with their boyfriends/fiancés in tow, it was very fun!) we talked, sang, drank, drank summore, and laughed non stop a few hours later we all ended up back in the pool/hottub I am very surprised we never got kicked out or told to quite down or anything. Then again total for me and hecs room for 3 days was an about $700 so with all my cousins rooms, we gave them a pretty large sum of money so I’m sure they were keeping quite do to how large our group was. If it was just a few of us I’m sure they would have told us to shut up. But anyways it was a blast my cousins are insanely fun and I love them to death. Then me and Hec retired to our room. I though we would loooove our cal king bed, and it was the most comfortable bed I have ever been in but when we woke up the next morning he was on one side and I was on the other and it was a journey just to meet in the middle and cuddle up lol. though if I had the money I would not even hesitate to get a cal king bed lol.
The next day was all about a spa day, wineries and a romantic dinner just me and Hec all day. It was amazing. I love spending that time with him. It re-reminded me of why I fell in love with him. Fast forward to later that night, another cousin get together in the hotel room = fabulous fun!
The next day was the wedding. We all (cousins) went down and lounged in the pool for a few hours. The Wedding was at four so we had time to kill. At about 1 Hec and I walked over to the sushi place down the street and brought back food to the hotel to eat as we got ready. Then off to the wedding! It was SO SO HOT!! It was about 102 down there. At least it was a dry heat though, makes it a bit better than humid heat. But it actual cooled off (to like 85-90) pretty fast, there was a nice breeze. The wedding was gorgeous! The vineyard back drop was amazing. The reception was also outside but again, beautiful. We all had so much fun. I had a little too much fun lol. I must have taken down about 50bottles of wine to the dome. I'm usually really good when it comes to knowing my limits esp at a family wedding but one glass of wine turned into 1000000 real fast lol They shouldn’t make it taste so good! It doesn't help that they just keep refilling your glasses every time you take a sip lol but the good thing was I was not the only one who drank too much wine. Everyone did! haha. At least I had Hec to keep me in line hehe. Then after the fabulous wedding and non stop dancing we all headed over to the bride and grooms hotel and hung out in the bar. Then back to our hotel where everyone followed and we were at the pool yet again. I decided I had too much wine and called it a night and went to bed. Little did I know that all the females went to bed early and the guys who were smart and stuck to beer stayed up for days. Hec hit it off great with all my cousins they love him to death. Fast forward to the next day – another me and Hec day. Playing bonding loving all that good stuff! Then the next day was the drive home. Everyone left about the same time so we kept passing one another on 101N. then me and Hec see my cousin Matt, Heather, Kasey and Kevins car pulled over and as we drive by we see Kevin hanging out the car door puking his brains out. at least every one was feeling as hung over as we were lol.
Then as we got home we plopped in bed, ordered pizza and a ppv and passed out snuggled up. It was nice to be home.
So that was our wonderful vacation! It was so needed and though we are planning our next getaway to be just us two it was so fun to have everyone there and party and have an insane amount of fun with them.
Well tomorrow is the official court date. It should be the final ruling. I have prepared myself to know that it wont be. That scott will protest the mediation agreement he signed and agreed to and pull some bullshit stunt. He told me the other day that he would prefer if he only has her stay the night once a week every other week. He said that would be fair snc I only have her one night a week. I don’t know where he got that insane idea. I pick her up every day after work at 3:30-4:00 and she stays the night and I get her ready every morning at 6am and take her to her fathers. Where he takes her to school and only has her at home for about 1hour before he leaves for work. And that one hour is her napping then I have her every weekend morning noon and night with the expectation of this last weekend. He really has a twisted view on everything. Where on earth does he get that I only have her 1 day a week? So if he only wants to see her twice a month (his one day every other week) why doesn't he just give me full custody? Wouldn’t that make sense? No he just wants to keep playing games. He has YET to stick to the agreement we cam up on in mediation. He keeps changing it. I don’t have the energy or the will to fight with him about it. I'm fine having Kendra all day everyday. I was a stay at home mom fro 2&1/2 years with her. He went to school 6am-3pm and went to work at 3:30pm-11pm at night. I did it all on my own then and I can do it and would prefer to do it all on my own now. I'm just to tired of him and his games he plays. I have to patience for them anymore. I just want this to be done with so so bad. I want to be divorced from him, I want his games to stop. Ugh its so frustrating when I think about it so I will stop thinking about it. I have an amazing boyfriend, amazing friends, amazing family all who love and support me and I have the most amazing, incredible daughter who makes everything worth anything. I'm staying strong, working hard all for her and I would never have it any other way. Alright I have killed way too much time writing this when I should be playing catch-up on my work especially since I wont be here tomorrow. Toodles! *Muwah!*

nonsense

So I guess I was a bit harsh on the man in my life for annoying me. Lol. He is a wonderful guy, let me be clear about that. He treats me like a queen and treats my daughter as his own. I am a very lucky woman to have him in my life. However lucky or not, I am still allowed to be annoyed here and there lol. and yet I still am. He is still very stuck on the thought that he is going to lose me to one of my guy friends. I think I finally reassured him last night but we will see. Not only is it annoying but he has to have some sort of trust in me yenno. He says its because of how me and him hooked up but I have to remind him of the three other girls he fooled around with when he was with his ex. So really he cant use that excuse lol. I really hope he stops with this. Every time I get a text his eye brow raises and an alarm in his head goes off lol he will ask “whos that??” and I will simply tell him, Josh or Zach or who ever it is and if I say its josh or Zach he will kinda make a fuss about it and if its angel he will question if it is REALLY angel or not. Anyways, its annoying, it must stop nooowww.
In other news close friends of hecs family had their baby this morning, Josh’s Daughter is due any day, My cuzzos just had their baby last week, my other cousins are due in a few weeks and my aunt just found out she’s pregnant. Babys babys babys! Its contagious! (doing my cootie shot so I don’t catch the baby syndrome lol) But congrats to all. Children are amazing.
Ugh my allergies are kicking my ass!! I hope they go away before this trip on Thursday! Speaking of the trip we have been to the mall about every day this week getting new stuff for the trip. Then as soon as we get home we remember something that was really important that we forgot. So we have to go back the next day…like today we have to go back yet again. But I think I’m going to go to the Victoria Secret in walnut creek rather than the mall. The mall Victoria secret is small and has such a small selection. So WC it is. Plus we can hit Nordstroms and PF changes for dinner! I'm very happy I have lost 10lbs this month. Well okay 9lbs but I want to round up damnit! Lol. That’s why I LOVE weight watchers. I lose weight super fast and don’t really gain it back. It is so much easier to lose weight now that im not living with hecs picky ass. Meat, cheeses, fried food, no veggies. And granted I tried but after a 9 hour day at work, came home, cleaned, took care of Kendra I was too tired to cook two dinners so I would give in and eat whatever he wanted to eat. But now I’m back on track yee!
Alrighty well more later. Toodles!

Jealousy

Good Morning –

6 days until me and Hecs vacation to Paso Robles! We went shopping last night and got new clothes, hats (him), shoes (me) for the trip. I cant wait. I think this trip will be great, we both need a break. He has been overly cautious about “losing” me lately. I didn’t pay much attention to it at first, in fact it was rather charming but now its gotten to the point where its insanely annoying. Every time we are together he is questioning me in regards to if there is another guy in my life. He does it in a joking way but I know he is worried for some reason. Finally last night I had to call him out on it. I called him last night before I was going to bed just to say good night and that I love him and he says “are you sure your going to bed? You don’t sound like you are going to bed” so I said “wtf? What should I sound like when I’m about to go to bed” he just said that I don’t sound tired, which was silly because I was exhausted! I got up at 5am went to work and after work went straight to his sisters to help watch the kids and then after his mother got there to pick up the kids I went straight to the mall and me and Hec were there shopping until 8pm. That’s like what 16 busy hours and in stilettos even? I don’t care who you are, that would make you tired! lol if nothing else your feet will be so exhausted that they will force you to lay down> so anyways I drifted…I had to finally tell him that this whole not trusting me bull shit has to stop. He said he cant help if he is afraid to lose me, so I had to explain that he will lose me a lot faster if every time we are together I’m getting interrogated. I explained how its gotten to the point where I don’t even call him while I’m driving (illegal anyways I know) because he will (in a joking yet serious way) inquire as to where I’m going and basically make the allegations that I’m going over to a guys house. During our conversation about him not having trust he said its not that he doesn't trust me but rather that he is second guessing himself… as I told him, its not that he is second guessing himself, he is second guessing me and that’s not cool. He explained to me why he has these concerns. It kind of goes way back, even in high school he would see my guy friends fall in love with me hard and fast. He has seen a few of his friends do it as well, even when me and him were just friends 2 years ago, he saw Scotts friends fall for me. I see all this too. I don’t know what it is, im not that special, I don’t come off overly whorey where they think they can get in my pants, Though I love my body and every shape and part on it I don’t have the perfect body, I can be over barring and I speak my mind which often makes me put my foot in my mouth…I don’t know why, but I have seen it too. I even told Hec when we first started talking in liked December of 2008 “Just Don’t fall in love with me” because I was scared of messing up our friendship, of messing up his relationship, of messing up my marriage (which was already in the shitter but I had convinced my self otherwise) Even my best friend Ter was talking to him “mano-e-mano” one night while we were out and he told him that I’m one of those girls and have something that rips guys hearts out and throws it on the ground and walks away with that smile of hers.. I think there might have been a nicer way to say that but whatever lol. So anyways Hec was explaining this to me and is afraid that two of my best guy friends Josh and Zach will fall in love with me like Hec did and that I will leave Hec (like I left Scott) for one of them. He said he knows me and he knows that I love the thrill and excitement of it all, and granted that is very very true. But I left Scott because I saw him leave Anna and it kind of opened my eyes to the fact that I don’t have to be stuck in a bad relationship. I have the right to be happy. So I left Scott. I didn’t leave Scott FOR Hec. I left Scott for myself. So I could find out who I am apart from being Scotts wife and the mother of his child. I did that. I love that I have found me again. I don’t need some new relationship to make me feel wanted. Hec does a fine job of that anyways. SO basically Hector agreed to trust me more. He is still weary of Josh and Zach. They are really close friends of mine and we talk every day. But That does not mean I want to Marry them and spend the rest of my life with them and raise 1000 kids with them Like I want to do with Hec. Alright back to work! I hope he can suck it up and stop being a baby about this. Im an adult, Im independent, thats something he needs to understand. I know he dosent have me comming home to him every day after work anymore or his even older life of someone there with his 27/7. That was somthing he had to get used to when we first got together too, was that I like to go out with my friends ALONEE. and I love my alone time period lol. But now he needs to realize that just becuase I have more time to be alone, dosent mean im off falling madley in love with eveyr guy who looks my way. its silly. very silly. If he cant suck this up then I think there will be many more problems ahead. Im not the kind of girl to sit around be accused of things im not doing or even the kind of girl that will just sit at home when i have spare time, he knows that, he just needs to accept it. I love him, i want him forever. okay i gotta get some work done lol Happy Friday! More later im sure!!

Macys here we come!

Hello!
I used to write every day and lately I have just been doing the every few day thing. Oh well I will try to do an every day thing but we will just have to see how well that turns out.
Newhoo.. this weekend was Kendra’s 3rd birthday! As I wrote the night of her birthday
“ I cant believe that just three years ago today I was holding and looking
down at me brand new baby girl thinking about how blessed I was and as
I lay her to bed 3 years later I know now that I was more blessed than I could
have imagined”
I know I have talked so much about it before about how much I love her and how amazing she is and how blessed I am to have her so we wont get into all that mooshy gooshy stuff. But I will say that No mother could ever be as proud of their daughter as I am, and I still have a life time to watch her and be even more proud of my baby…and yes she will always be my baby. Lol
Friday Scott picked her up in the morning and Hec and I took that time to go run around to 3 or 4 different stores to get the perfect decorations and about a million balloons. I don’t think I will ever do that again, it was hell trying to drive with a gagillion balloons in the car!!! Lol. but by the time Kendra got home everyone was over and she just loved all the decorations and of course, the balloons. What kid doesn’t love balloons? We did gifts, dinner, games, cake and like always sing happy birthday. She HATED that! She crawled under the table and cried, I picked her up and she continued to cry with her head buried in my shoulder. Later that night as I was tucking her in and we were talking about her birthday she said “mama I just didn’t like when everyone sang happy day to me. It made me feel sad” I explained that the feeling she was feeling was embarrassed and that its okay because everyone feels that way at times. I also just told her that theres no reason to be embarrassed by us singing to her, it just means we love her and care about her. Then we were talking about her favorite gift that she got and she said the bubbles. Lol I got her a $70 game thing and clothes and shoes and my mom got her hella shit, Hec made her a build a bear with like 3 different outfits and a bed and all that and her favorite was the 99cent bubbles lol. at least she’s not materialistic… yet lol
Then Saturday I met with my lawyer all day. We were going over how mediation is going to go down on Thursday. Went over all the police records, text records hospital records, even some friends testimonies as to his drinking and driving with Kendra, his out of control substance abuse..ect ect. I hate that I had to pull out all the stops in this. I really do, I didn’t want to bring out records that he beat me, I didn’t want to bring out the records of the many times I had to call the police on him but for him to claim that Kendra is not safe with me, that he wants full custody and no visitation…I cant have that. I cant let Kendra be unsafe with him anymore. He just needs help getting back on track.
Then Sunday My mama, Kendra and I drove down to half moon bay. We had such a great time. Kendra LOVES the water so much! She loves swimming like no other. I figured she would stray away from the ocean waves like most kids do because its freezing and the waves are often intimidating to the younger crowd but she LOVED it! She wanted to just run into the waves! So me and Ken held hands and would run knee/shin deep into waves as they came. She just had too much fun. The drive home was terrible! Dead Stopped traffic all the way down 92. We turned around and hit 84 and althought that usually takes double the time of 92, it was half the time Sunday. All in all it was a GREAT weekend!
As for Hector and I. We are still doing great. Its harder to see each other with how far away we live from each other now but honestly, I'm kinda loving the independence of it all. I love Hec more than anything but I have been living with a significant other for over 7 years now. It is so nice to have my room the way I want it, not have to check in or out…its just so nice to make dinner for just me and ken (she and I like the same things) And its so nice to just go get my nails done when I want, go out with my girls when I want. Not saying that he didn’t let me but when you live with someone you would rather spend that time, after work and on weekend doing things together and now that sometimes I don’t have that option I can think about me. Granted sometimes I do have the option of spending time with him and opt out, but that’s the beauty of it all. Lol. I love love love our weekends together and I miss the heck out of him, but I think during this time. I am finely almost not married anymore, I have a nice hunk of change coming in every two weeks, I look great, feel even greater its just awesome to have ME time. But shh don’t tell him that lol. He is having a harder time with it, but really, if he would have just gotten on unemployment when I told him we were laying off inspectors in a few months or started looking for a job then we wouldn’t be in this predicament. So really, I don’t feel that bad for him. Its time he grow up a little bit too. I wont support him until he can support himself. I love him, and I will keep saying that but the boys gotta learn to not save everything for last min and think shits going to be okay because he will just ask people for money. Being a grown up and having responsibilities is not easy but the rewards are great.
Any whoo! Kendra and I are going shopping tonight for summer clothes and dresses ect. I miss Macys very much, its been too long snc I have been there! Lol so Macys, be prepared for Amanda and Kendra to come and drop a nice hunk of change on clothes we don’t really need (don’t worrie our old clothes go to the tri-valley battered women’s shelter) I love not having to pay my old $1400 rent!!!! I know, im boasting but god damn I have been dead ass broke for far to long! I work way to hard for this money and I finaly get to spend it on fun stuff and not bills, I live having and extra $G a month to spend on whatever!

la te da

Good Morning!
It has been forever since I blogged it up. I was just too pissed, too busy and too stressed to do so.
So last week, the day before the court date, my attorney faxed me over papers. She called me and said “Amanda, I am going to fax you over Scotts testimony he is going to present…you are not going to like it” she was very right, I did not like it one bit. In it Scott is now going for full custody with little visitation and saying I’m the one with an anger problems. He also says that that morning in which he was too drunk to wake up to watch Kendra (the morning I decided I have to go for full custody)…this is his take on that morning. He says I didn’t even knock, I snuck in, saw he was sleeping and snuck out. then later refused to tell him where Kendra was. Such bullshit! Why on earth would I do that? Why would I go out of my way to be and hour and a half late for work because I had to suddenly find a babysitter. He also claims that the reason he did not hear me wake up was because he had just lost his job the night before and was stressed out. That is a flat out lie. He lost his job in February…this happened April 8th. The good thing is, I have proof. Stone cold proof of that incident and proof that he lied about when he got fired.
Plus, Scott did that same thing just last week! I knocked and knocked and knocked, finally I used my key, I gave him the benefit of the doubt thinking maybe he just fell asleep with his bedroom door closed and tv on and cant hear me knocking. I didn’t think at all he would be that dumb to mess up in the middle of a custody battle… I walk in and there I find scott, passed out on the couch, an empty beer box by the door, shot glasses out and him fully clothed, shoes and all. I tried to wake him up. Nothing. Again and again I shook him trying to wake him up. Kendra started to get upset and asking why is her daddy still sleeping. So I sent her to use the big girl potty and take her shoes off by the door. I just looked at him and knew, here we go again! So I tell ken to keep her shoes on because we are going back home. As im leaving he wakes up, falls off the couch and while on the ground, proclaims in his calm high pitched drunken way of talking “ohh my gooooddd” then passes right back out. I decided to at least pick his drunk ass up and put him back on the couch. I do so and leave. My mom was in the car and I was just in tears when I was walking back to the car. I couldn’t believe that he did this again. I can’t understand why it is so hard to be a parent - A responsible adult. There is nothing wrong with having a drink or two after a rough day at work to relax but to drink to the point of blackout when you know your daughter is coming at 6am like always…stupid. It just shows how poor his judgment is that he could do this in the middle of a custody battle, he should be on his best behavior. God he is frustrating. So I had to take an unpaid day off. It was nice though, I miss being a stay at home mom. Kendra and I had a blast. We made a seafood pasta for lunch together, played all day, went for a walk, hell I even got to take a nap with her… I REALLY miss those naps lol.
But in other news, We are all moved. It is very odd that Hec and I are not able to sleep next to each other every night. We have seen each other every day since March of 2008. He would come over after work or after he took a shower just to say hi and hang out with me and ken a bit, then we moved in with each other and now we are apart. Tear. We call each other every night and usually see each other every day. The perk is that its fun, its like dating again…high school style haha. plus when we do get to…yennno…it is so so hot. ;) its always hot, but now its even extra hot lol. we joke that we are addicted to one another. His mama told me the other day that they were having just a talk over dinner and it turned into about me and him and our life together and she told me that he said that even after a year and a half he is still extremely attracted to me. He even told her that we just cant ever keep our hands off of each other. It was a bit awkward to hear that from my future mother in law. But she went on to tell me how great it was that we are still very attracted to one another and how that’s important in a relationship. I feel there are other importance’s but a great sex life is important…why have I talked about this subject for so long…?
But anywhoo, This Friday by beautiful baby is turning 3!!!!! I guess I cant really call her my baby…nah whatever I will always call her my baby!! I cant believe it though!! I am so proud of my girl already. We are going to do a wizard of oz thing. I'm taking Friday off and early in the morning b4 she wakes up (or after she falls asleep on Thursday night) me and Hec are going to set the house up with everything needed. We printed out a yellow brick road to place on the floor from her room to the down stairs, at the beginning of the yellow brick road will be ruby red slippers (that I’m picking up at lunch) for her to put on different wizard of oz pictures to go on the wall above her yellow brick road. And a bunch of Wizard of oz pictures, item ect all over the house. She loves the Wizard of oz so she will be super exited!

The first hearing is tomorrow

Good Morning!
I am so tired today! I stayed up super late with Hec last night. I always am out by like 930 at the latest but I decided to be nice and stay up with him till about 12:30am and for me that’s too late! I have to wake up at 5…if I did the math correctly I only got about 4 hours of sleep. That is no good. No good at all! Lol But I am going out to lunch with friends and after I have a meeting at 1:30 at work and then at 2pm I have a phone meeting with my attorney. Yikes the fist official court date is tomorrow!! I am so nervous! I don’t know why, I have been to court before many times for other people, for myself but for some reason I have never been as nervous as I am now. Maybe because it has to do with my little girl. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I don’t want to hurt Scott. Who knows. Scott has been good lately but you know him, off and on. I'm just scared that he will be heart broken. I hope and pray that he just sees this as a push in the right direction. Apparently he is smoking Cigarettes again. I think that is so so so nasty. Not only does it make you stink and turn your teeth yellow but it’s not good for Kendra. I know he would never smoke in front of her but still, its not a good example at all to set for her… but there is not one thing I can do about it. Slowly killing yourself and telling your kids its okay to do the same is somehow perfectly legal. *sigh*
Thank god my mom is coming with me. I would want hector there but I think that having him come would be totally disrespectful and almost a slap in the face (in a non productive way) to Scott. So he is going to stay home and watch Kendra. My mama is my best friend and rock though so It will be good having her around…though it just occurred to me she always makes me cry. I'm a pretty tough cookie and don’t cry too often. I can usually hold it in but then my mom will just have to look at me or call and ask what’s wrong and I just burst out into tears and tell her everything and then she always makes it better. Even if its just a simple “it will be okay lovebug”. I'm all butterflies just thinking about tomorrow. I am sure it will go fine though, When I went to the orientation at the court house the guy who was checking us in asked who my attorney was and I said “Lisa Ivancich” and he said, and I quote “wow – Well then, I wont wish you luck, you don’t need luck, You have Ivancich” That made me feel a bit better. Lol. I was a little nervous about taking her on as my attorney because the majority of her cases are workers comp ect. But then I read up on her, talked to a few clerks and everyone has said that she is amazing and a tough cookie. She seems that way, she’s a judge part time so I am confident that she knows what she’s doing lol. okay well I am going to go back to working now Toodles!

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday!
Another shatty day at work. Well its not that bad, I like my job and all but I would MUCH rather be snuggled under my nice warm covers with my sexy mans arms around me right now but whatever, gotta make a living right? (I’m still hoping for that winning lotto ticket!!) anywhoo, this weekend was very fun, it seemed very long in a good way!
Friday night we went out to dinner with Hec’s mama and sister Veronica and her husband and kids. That was really fun, I’m sure the sharing of all the girls margaritas with each other helped haha but it was fun and yummy. Then Hector and I were going to go see that movie “The Hangover” because EVERYONE is saying it is the funniest movie of all time. But we looked at the time after dinner and it was already 10, It was the weekend and all but my ass had to wake up at 4:30am that morning so I was pooped, plus had that icky feeling of the margarita buzz wearing off. So we went home and started a Harry Potter marathon. lmao I know right!! Even we were like We are such dorks! Lol at home on a Friday nights making margaritas and popcorn and watching harry potter hahaha. But it was fun, and nice because after a terrible day at work, all I wanted to do was snuggle on my couch and relax. Plus me and Hec can talk and talk and talk for hours so its better to be at home so we can do that. I love that time together.
Then Saturday we woke up and lounged around. Got the usual Saturday text from Scott saying he cant watch Kendra and I need to figure out a baby sitter (I’m not kidding when I say this happens EVERY weekend he has her) so instead of waiting for me to make the calls he decided to drive all the way up to Stockton or Sacramento (not sure which one) to drop Kendra off with his parents at their other house. (yes they are that rich they have two million dollar houses lol) and had her spend the night. He claimed he had to work that night as well as Sunday morning. However I think he forgot that Saturday night Dom, Jess and Desi were over and who hits Dom up to party...Scott So really there was NO reason for Kendra to me that far away with people who are practically strangers to her. I was so sad about that. I even cried because I didn’t know if she would be scared or if they even knew how to watch her. I hated her being that far. But there was nothing I could do, Scott decided yet again that he would rather party and leave his daughter in his parents hands then wait for me to make a decision. Of course he played the whole I'm a terrible mother card because I wouldn’t take my own daughter. HOWEVER again this goes back to not giving into HIM. Of course I would have taken my girl but the fact the he just throws this on me a few hours before I am supposed to go out with my girlfriends for her birthday. He knew my plans too. And he knows his work schedule the Sunday b4, so I told him next time he needs to give us all more warning so we can accommodate him better. He really doesn’t understand that I wont jump for him now every time he says jump. He expects people to drop everything for him in a second yet the people he expects to do this are the people he treats like shit. He is stuck being a little boy. Its just beyond frustrating. I'm so tired of dealing with his bullshit. And after calling me all the bad names in the book I bet anything that he will call here today to tell me about all his little girlfriends and want advice. Ugh I’m just so frustrated with him.
Anyways! Saturday after all that B.S we went to Jakes (Hecs nephew) baseball game and award ceremony. Soo cute! Then we moseyed around the mall, got a few things and then headed home. Got pretty, and then Jessica and Desi came over. We had fun like always. Lots of pictures taken, lots of catching up and just a ton of laughing and shots and fun Desi had a little too much fun and ended up on the couch with a waste basket under her and Jess and Dom left early to go kick it with Scottie. 4am and a few bottles of goose later, I was ready for bedddd too! Lol

Sunday me and Hec decided to walk down to the Spaghetti Factory. We got there, got our food, started to eat then got a call saying that they are having a bbq at Hecs parents house. So we just got the food to go and had hecs step sister and brother pick us up and we went out there.
The big news there was they found out through myspace that Maria (hecs stepbrothers girlfriend) is pregnant. They knew we knew snc we often hang out with them. But keep in mind, Maria is about 6 months pregnant and Gio STILL hasn’t told anyone that they are having a baby.
Hec pulled Gio aside and told him that everyone (exepct Gios) dad knew and then Gio needs to tell them soon, because its going to get back to his dad and his dad will be hella hurt that for 6 months Gio has kept the pregnancy a secret. Plus, she is 6 months pregnant! Shes a tiny thing so she already has this huge cute belly going and I just don’t think gio realizes that the next 3 months are going to FLY by and hecs parents are going to be the ones to help out the most and give that kid everything. But Gio was kinda being a punk about it. Saying he’s not ready to tell anyone and he doesn't want to feel rushed into it. and he was saying this to Hec like it was Hec who told everyone. Gio was being very defensive and rude about it all. And yes, I understand its hard to tell the parents you are having a baby when you are that young. I was exactly Maria’s age when I was pregnant with Kendra. And its hard to tell your parents but holy fuck she’s 6 months pregnant! There is only 3 months left until there a little baby boy in the picture and if you are not ready to tell your parents you are pregnant after 6 months…. Common, its just getting ridiculous. And now Maria is being left out, there is always an excuse as to why shes not at a family function and is feeling left out. Its just like common, your going to be a dad, its time to man up and stop being a little kid about it.
Anywhoo I will write more later. Love you bitches.

heres a picture of my ring! yay! I love it. Well of course I love it! lol please ignore how totaly hung over I look haha. And yes, I know I have fat chunky fingers lol

The shoe, The shoe, The shoe is on fire...

Hahaha so I just have to tell the world about what a dumb ass I am. I know what you are saying “Amanda, do something without thinking…NO WAY!!!” hahaha well its true.
SO as most of you know I like and keep a clean home. I'm not a clean freak but I always need my place clean, everything picked up. It’s just much more relaxing that way. So Hec ALWAYS ALWAYS takes his shoes, socks and pants off in the middle of the front room when we get home from some place. And I always have to tell him to pick his shit up, it has become a joke almost where he purposely does it, I pretend to beat him with whatever is in my hand. So last night he does it and looks at me and smiles so I take his pants and one shoe and put them out side and then put the other shoe inside our fireplace and look at him and smile. We laugh and go to laundry - A few mins pass, me and Hec are in the bedroom folding clothes and Kendra is in the front room playing with her dolls and comes running in in full blown panic mode “MAMA! TICKY! THE FIRE IS COMING!!! THE FIRE IS COMING!!!!!!” so I go running out to the front room and Hec’s shoe is completely on FIRE!!!
My dumb ass forgot that because it is a gas fireplace that there is always a little flame there, much like the pilot light in a heater. And the shoe must have touched it. We got the shoe extinguished and thank god it was only in the fire place and didn’t get out. Then after that happened I freaked because I though what if Kendra didn’t see the fire, what if she got hurt, what if the place caught on fire (I guess its good we have renters insurance and are moving next week) but then I thanked Kendra so much for being such a big girl and telling mommy and Ticky (that’s what she calls Hec..she came up with that name when she was like 1) about the fire right away and running away from it.
But yes, now Hec has one black shoe and one white shoe. And OMG! That smell was terrible! Burnt rubber is not the thing you want to smell when you are about to eat dinner. The smell left fast though so that was good haha.
Ah yes…another Amanda moment. It was a long time coming! Haha.

Work Work Work

God, I am just sooo mentally drained! I finished one HR project due Friday and I’m working on the next right now. I am really starting to get aggravated…no pissed off beyond belief that just because I have HR experience they (the HR lady Rita and her boss) think its totally okay to give me these huge projects to get done. In a way its flattering that they trust me to do a good job and keep it confidential but shit, I already have my own 45-50hour a week worth of work and to add on another 30hours or so in projects and think that it will get done within a few days is just insane. I have not even touched any of my work in over a week. I am just so fed up with it. I think that the next project Rita comes to me with I’m just going to politely tell her I cant help her out this time (OH MY GOD! SHE WILL HAVE TO DO HER OWN JOB!!!!) don’t get me wrong she is the sweetest thing but I think she is a bit lazy and very quick to have some one else do her work. Plus I think she was misinformed that I am still working part time HR and part time contracts. So I think I will also explain to her that I am no longer part time HR sense the other girl in my department left to go be a mom or some bullshit haha :P and that I have no time to help her. I'm sure that will cause her to panic and want to have a talk with my supervisor, who is out because he had to go have a freaking stroke haha jk. So that leave retarded Chris as my supervisor who has no idea what he is doing let alone me - I am the only one in this department, I am the only one who knows what I do yet he seems to think he has knowledge of everything (yes one of those guys) and that talk will lead to him talking to me about helping out and then I will kindly remind him that just like every one else in this office I have a big important job and if Rita cant do her job then maybe we should hire her and assistant or rotate as to who helps her which weeks because I was hired to do contracts and they are not getting done because I have to help HR all flippin day! Alrighty I feel better! Lol

Scott is at the court orientation today, I go on the 9th. I guess its just a class about our rights yada yada…and then the bib day is June 12th. That’s the first court date. I’m nervous. Scott has been so good, I almost feel bad about still going for full physical of ken but I just have to keep remembering all the times I felt this same way and then he sloped back down into a terrible place. I think he has his feet back on the ground and if so then even better. God I just hope this divorce is quick and painless and doesn't cast me and arm and a leg…oh wait it already has cost me and arm and a leg. I have already paid my lawyer over 2 G’s and I have only see her once haha. I give her credit though she is a kick ass lawyer who has not lost a case so I feel I’m in good hands. So I cant complain too much.

I signed Scott up for a single parents dating site. He needs to find a nice woman. I think that will help him out a lot. Its hard being a single father, it’s lonely. I was a stay at home mom and that was pretty lonely. I hope he finds the one. He deserves to be happy. Kendra deserves to see her daddy happy. Alright….im outie. Gotta try to get this project done.

He Proposed!

Yes yes - I am the soon to be Mrs. Delgado. well we are BOTH changing our names to Thomas (his uncles name) for our wedding. So far the plans are June of 2011. That gives us two years. My divorce will be a year behind us and because of who our best man and maid of honor is we need to wait that extra year to make thing easy for everyone. Plus, a year goes by hella fast and with how hectic this year has been and will be at least until December I said no way do I have time to plan a wedding for THIS year. So I finally got him to agree to 2011.
How did he do it you ask? WELL! Turns out he has this big elaborate plan to do it at my work, everyone was in on it. But, in the usual Hector style he couldn’t wait. I had him pick me up early from work Monday. I was fuming about all the idiots at work. I climbed into bed and he climbed in with me and we were snuggling and talking and sweet nothing’ng it up Haha and he said, I have something for you…and he pulled it out. His mothers Engagement ring. He said the sweetest things ever. Of which I would like to keep most of what he said between us (keeps it special) but part of what he said was – even though everything around us seems to be going wrong, we are so right. And things like I want to wake up at 5am on the weekends because Kendra climbs into bed with us. I want to watch you tuck her in between us and us 3 watch cartoons, every Saturday for the rest of my life. He is amazing. I love the ring to death, it has so much meaning to it that his mother gave it to him to give to me. But as you know I like big big rocks lol. so I will always keep this ring on but we are going Friday to pick out engagement rings. I'm tickled pink.
This time seems so much different. When Scott asked me to marry him it was more of because we HAD to. I was 4 months pregnant and needed insurance. It never felt like this. I never felt the warmth and excitement that I do now. When I was with Scott, it was as if I knew we wouldn’t last forever. I wasn’t happy. With hector however I can really see us together forever, I know that sounds cheesy but its true lol!! Plus I told him I will never go through another divorce so if one of us wants out one of us is going to have to die lol. Even from the frist few months we were talking about “when we are married….” “when we have kids….” Its like we always just knew. I'm very exited. Everyone is exited for us. Its only a year and a half into our relationship but shit, we have gone through more things together than most married couples. And we did it holding each others hand. And even in the few times where I said “no I cant take this anymore” or he made a stupid choice to go visit the wrong person this is a specific event as you can tell haha) we always had each other in our hearts. We have made this work despite all the things, people, animals, what have you trying to create obstacles, barriers and trying to tear us apart. If we can make it through all that, we can make it through anything. I love him with all my heart and I cant wait to spend forever with him. Plus, I’m getting old! I'm going to be 23 next month, I need to get on this marriage and kids wagon!!! Hhaha jk jk. Love you bitches!

The best weekend yet

This was one of the most fun weekends I have had in a while!
Friday, I left work at about 2:30 and went right over to my Trishy-poos to help her move. She had packed all there things so it was just about getting them into the uhaul. That went very fast. Two trips and we were done. Pamela and Vanessa Came just in time to help move the bed…Why oh why are beds so flippin awkward to move. Especially when trying to get them up the stairs. It was an adventure trying to get the bed up those winding ass stairs. Here is where the adventure beings lol. Just as we are loading the bed into the elevator to bring it down to the truck Trish drops her keys and we watch them slip right between the slot in the elevator doors. We hear them “tink tink tink” all the way down 5 floors to their doom. We were FUCKED. It was 7:30 we still had to get the bed to her new Apt (right down the street) and get the Uhaul back by 8pm. We did so but the problem was that she locked the apt door and her work keys were on it and she was opining the store Sunday. Trish tried calling her roommate, but her roommate hates her so told her to figure it out but she’s not coming back home to let us in (she had JUST left 5 mins ago and we offered to go to where ever she was to pick up a spare key, she refused) We tried calling the office, they were closed. We tried calling the HOA, they couldn’t do anything until Monday. We called the apts after hours line, they couldn’t help us. We asked the security, they couldn’t help. We even called the elevator man, he was the most helpful but couldn’t do much until Monday. Lol. So that brought us to our party in the hallway. Vanessa and Pamela went to the store got a big thing of Goose, snacks and juice to make “sex at Vanessa’s house” a very yummy drink by the way! And we just parked ourselves in front of her door and drank, played games, laughed…it was so much fun. Finally at 12 Trish’s roommate (soon to be ex roommate thank god) got home and let us in. the party continued in there. It was a lot of fun (a few pics are on my face book)
Saturday I picked up my Kendra and me and her went to the house and thank god she was ready for a nap because my head was pounding! That’s usually why I stay away from the girly alcoholic drinks lol. We napped. Went swimming, went for a jog/Dora bike ride. Came home and she helped me cook dinner, Shrimp Stir-fry. She was VERY proud that SHE made the shrimp. She stirred them and helped but the seasoning on it. She loves helping in the kitchen. Then when her 8pm bed time rolled around, mommy was right next to her snoozing! Lol. It was nice to get to bed that early and she didn’t wake up until 8am the next morning.
Sunday me and her did the usual, made breakfast together, played then it was time to get ready to go see Mr. Dane Cook. (omg is he sexier in person!!) My mom came and picked up Kendra and me and Jessica were off to see Dane. He was HILARIOUS like always. Funnier in person because he added more than in his Comedy Central performance. It was so much fun! Jess and I almost peed our pants laughing so hard! He was great! Then half way through the show jess accidentally dropped a cheesy salsa-y nacho on the girl in front of her. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the blizzunt, maybe it was the surroundings but that was the funniest thing EVER! Haha I cried I was laughing so hard because every time jess went to try to sneak it off of her she would move lol. We ended up getting the chip off of her but the cheese and salsa remained. Lol.
Then after the encore we headed out. Map quest took us to a dead end. So we thought maybe we took a wrong turn, we retraced our steps and followed the directions word for word and ended right back at that dead end. We were fucked lol. somehow some way we ended up in Cupertino! We had to call Scott to give us directions from the store we were at in Cupertino lol lol. We FINALY made it home 2 hours later and I got a back rub from Hec and passed out!
And then that leads us to me at work today super tired, hung over, but still smiling ear to ear about this weekend. I love my girls – all of them. And I cant wait for next weekend when me and sills (Jessica) celebrate Desi’s bday

haha

You act as if he didnt tell me about a few weeks ago or when you two were hooking up when me n him were broken up in the begining. I know that shit. its whatever to me. really, at this point i couldnt care less.

drunkblog. please ignore

written by trish, pam, vanessa, and amanda

Trish - fuck that..no no dont put that..thats naughty

Pam - doode doode this is the story...

Amanda - bartender pam, make me another sex drinbk shit

the dog smells.

P)amela - i need the computer vanessa!

Top Secret Info enclosed! hahahaha

Hello sexy people of the world!
In about half an hour I will be on my way to Dublin to have the best weekend ever with my Trishy-Poo, Pammy and Vanessa! Well, best Friday night and Saturday morning lol. Then Saturday me and the love of my life are taking Kendra to the discovery museum. I used to love love looove that place when I was a kid and then Sunday is the day I have been waiting for for what has seemed like an eternity! Dane Cook in San Jose!
Dane Cook is one of the things on me and Hectors to “do before were to old to do it” List lol. It was one where we would watch him and say “one day when were rich and famous we will go. Well, Were not rich but we sure are famous! Haha So famous in fact that people are obsessed with trying to get into our lives any way possible. Its annoying but whatever, Life has its pests. Then I just booked our hotel in Paseo Robles (I think I spelled that right) for our mini vacation in July. Its amazing, at the Marriots website the prices for a suite are $250 a night at the one we wantt o stay at but at hotels.com it was only $160 a night, that’s damn near a $100 savings. I sound like a frigign commercial! Haha. But that’s why we do hotels.com, they rock my socks!
SO! My trish called about 20mins ago and said she got the bottle of patron. Then she called just now telling me as she was stepping out of the truck the bottle and box hit the ground, shattering it and all the patron goodness inside hahahahaa. She was freaking out saying how sorry she was haha I love that clumsy girl! I told her not to trip that its more funny than anything. But I guess her being out $80 sucks. But we shall buy another.
I only have half an hour left so I really don’t want to work…what’s the point? Friday, 30mins to go. I think I will go into the training room and act like I’m working on Inspector certifications but just talk to my inspector buddies. Toodaloo – do something stupid!

The reason for the pitcture below, is because

It represents a very special night in me and Hecs

Relationship. You always have to remember the

first hook up even if it is in the back seat of his car

while our "guests" are inside passed out from too much alcohol,

me and hec were talking and joking about it last night and I just thought I would

Share this secret information to my fans :) LOVE YOU!

YAY!

LMAO! So Scott has agreed to go back to my schedule – If I didn’t tell you we were trying it HIS way the last few weeks. Snc I came up with my schedule he has been bitching and bitching that its not fair and his way is the only fair way. His way didn’t make sense. His way was I watch Kendra while he is working and he watches her when I am working. That SOUNDS decent until you think about it. There are times were both me and scott are both off at the same time, who has her then? Then his schedule is sporadic he gets his next weeks schedule on Sunday. So ther was NO planning of anything, even the things that have been planned for a while now like me being out of town this weekend, the sesame street show im taking her too, the Dane Cook concert – among many other thing – all of those were scheduled accordingly when we were following my plan. It was a very confusing schedule there were days where I didn’t see Kendra for 3 days, there were days where I Had her for 4 days in a row and she didn’t get to see her daddy. I knew what would come of this. The inconsistency would mess with Kendra, Children need some sort of stability. Kendra needs to see her mama AND he father every day and sleep in the same place over night. So I knew that trying out Scotts schedule would really mess with her, make her moody and confused and sad and ect. And it did. The ONLY reason I tried it was to show to scott why is DOESN'T work. His problem with my schedule was that he had her too much and it wasn’t fair to him (we have her the SAME exact amount of time by the way on ym sched.) but with his schedule he had her twice as much as me, I pointed this out but he didn’t want to see it – again his control issue that even though his plan sucks he wont acknowledge it because its HIS plan. Yet, through all the flaws I pointed out he still held tight into this. I told him snc we split over a year ago what the courts will want and it will be similar if not identical to my schedule. I went thru my mom and dads yeaarrss long divorce when I was 10, I know what the courts want. So finally after he talked to his lawyer his lawyer told him what I have been telling him the whole time. Even his lawyer said that the schedule that I came up with is perfect and if we go by that schedule it will save us a lot of time and money when we go to court. SO we are back to the normal Schedule. I am soo happy I get to see my girl everyday and we have already seen a big change in her moods. Consistency works wonders for kids lol. alright. Back to work. Talk to you later gater!

*kisses*

To address something, It’s funny you say that my life is more delusional than yours. I have no delusions about my life. I know I’m not perfect but I'm the best person I know how to be and I'm very content with that. I’m not rich or even comfortable with my money situation but I work hard to earn my money and support my daughter and myself and that is something to be proud of and that I am proud of. We make it work. Me and Hec are not perfect, we argue, disagree on things but we love, trust and have faith that one day things wont be so hard for us (that would be after the divorce and jobs start picking up for him to be specific lol) I am aware of all of my flaws and all of my greatness and will admit to either. I don’t have to shout from a roof top my imperfections in order for me to be non-delusional. I rather focus on being a good mother, daughter, girlfriend, friend, sister hell even a good ex wife lol if in your mind that is delusional then I feel sorry for you and the life you are missing out on. Being an independent ADULT is a hard but great thing. Try it one day. You may find pride and true happiness. I'm sure ou will call whomever and bitch that im such a terrible icky person and that im creating drama, but sweetie, in the end, i'm just posting a blog and if you dont like it stop reading them :) *kisses*

Memorial Weekend!

Hello!
Sooo I'm swamped at work. I'm taking over a new position in someone’s absence this week and I’m swamped so I will try to make this quick or something lol.
This Memorial weekend was great! Friday I left work early so I could visit with Kendra before dropping her off at my moms for there bi monthly sleepover and then that night Hec’s brother and his girlfriend Maria came over. The boys talked about UFC and played the UFC game the whole time. Maria and I talked about baby’s, expecting (she’s about 5 months preggo) yada yada. It was fun and relaxing. Saturday I woke up and went to breakfast with my mama and Kendra. Hec was too hung over so I let him sleep in longer. We went to Mimi’s Café, I have been there maybe twice when I was pregnant with Kendra and didn’t like anything. But It was soooo good this time! Kendra didn’t touch her chocolate chip pancakes and instead helped me eat my crab and avocado omelet. Yummy. Then after that we went to kids fest (Hec met us there). Kendra had been sooooo exited because she would get to meet Dora the Explorer! And my god, she was soooo happy! When Dora emerged from the tent Kendra said, and I quote “oh-my-gosh! It’s the really real Dora! Oh-My-GOSH!” and she jumped and waved and tried to cut everyone in line lol. We were only 3rd in line and when Kendra got her turn she was touching Dora’s face and holding her hand and kissing boots the monkey and said hi to backpack. It was so so cute to see that! Lol I thought she might get kind of scared though. You know how kids LOVE Santa Clause but when it comes time to sit on his lap they freak out, or any other fictional character for that matter. But she was in love! We waited in line three more times that day. The smile on Kendra’s face was priceless! The rest of the kid’s fest day was very fun as well. We met up with the family (Hec’s sisters and their kids) it was fun. Then after we went to Janie’s house (Hec’s mom) his cousin Frankie and his wife were there. The girls stayed inside and talked away, the boys were outside manning the bbq. I don’t know how the winds were insane out there!! Kendra stayed in the kids room and read books, she was tired from Kid’s Fest.
Sunday my step mom Kecia came over and took us three and my brother Travis to lunch. That’s always fun. I got some birthday money, that’s always funner – yes I said funner! Lol then Scott wanted Kendra so I dropped her off and me and Hec rented movies and sapped on a lil something and had a romantic night…well it was until we got into an argument after that lil something got a hold of us hahaha we always pride ourselves about how whenever we do happen to get into an argument we are not mean about it. We don’t say things just because it will hurt the other, we don’t name call ect. But Sunday night we were all over each other in the name calling category for the first time lol neither of us remember what started it or what really happened, we just remember waking up the next morning and he nudged me and said…”hey did we get into a fight last night?” and I had to think about it and said “yeah we did”…then we started laughing our asses off because we started to remember what was said and how stupid we were lol. This is why we NEVER drink Jack. We didn’t even have a lot but for some reason it brings out the meany in us. Hahaha but it was hella funny remembering what was said and just that we are able to laugh at ourselves for being dumb asses and fighting for no reason lol. dorks. Anyways we laid in bed and snuggled and what not ;) and then suddenly a six flags commercial came on and we just looked at each other and said lets go! We got ready and were there in about an hour and a half. On the way there we passed this terrible car accident. We prayed that no kids were in that backseat because there was no longer a backseat there! We found out on the news today that the 76year old man driving died and the passenger, his wife was badly injured. That was very sad L but god works in odd ways. So Monday consisted of long lines, roller coasters, shows, fatty foods and fun stuff. Hec and I are so baffled at womens clothing these days. Females dress like shit these days. Its like they feel they have to put every single color they have in their wardrobe together. Or feel they have to meet a minimum of 13 articles of clothing at a time. Its just so odd and none of them dress to suite their body shape. They all squeeze into something that is obviously 5 sizes to small. You can tell this by the way their stomach flab hangs waay over or how it looks like their thighs are suffocating to death. Ladies, for real, if you dress to fit your size and shape you look 10lbs lighter and classier. No one wants to be with a street walker, they are icky and have germs, so why would you want to look like a cheap version of one? And then there are the women who wear 5inch heels to the theme parks. Now don’t get me wrong, well allll know I’m a shoe freak and wear high heels everyday however, when I’m going to a place where I Know I will be on my feet and walking allll day, I don’t wear heels, that’s just silly to me, you KNOW that by the end of the day your feet are KILLLIIINNGG you. And that cant be good for your back or the people you are with because you are going to want to sit down lol. buy some cute flats or flip flops. But that’s just my opinion lol
And as for today, I cant believe it is already 2pm. I’m leaving at 3:30 like always and am so exited I just have less than an hour and a half left today. It has been a mad house! Lol. but I guess the smart thing to do would be to go home and start packing up for the big move..buut ehh, I don’t think I will feel up to it. alright talk to you later sexies… oh and..

5 days left until Dane Cook!!!!!!

Phenomenal Woman. Thats Me.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them They think I'm telling lies.
I say, It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man,
The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.
I say, It's the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist, A
nd the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered What they see in me.
They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery.
When I try to show them, They say they still can't see.
I say It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing It ought to make you proud.
I say, It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I love all that we have become together and the life we are making together.

*I just found this picture, this was literaly 30 seconds b4 the first I love you was said, look at the date, march 15th 2008 that seems like so long ago!! lol good times*


Helllloooo!! (said like Ms. Doubtfire)
Well I'm back at work today. Lame, I did enjoy staying at home yesterday. There’s something about staying at home when you know everyone else is working that makes it feel that much more relaxing lol. Though it was nice to get back to work and hear that we wont the job in part to my meeting with the clients yesterday and I got many praise that I wont my first job! I'm thrilled about that, GO ME!
I cant believe its ONLY Tuesday! I feel like it should be Friday or something. I wish. Friday me and Hec are going out on a date, yay for dates and Saturday we are taking Kendra to Kidsfest. Dora the Explorer will be there, Kendra will be soooo exited to meet Dora!! Its going to be great to see her face when she meets Dora lol.
I don’t even need to get into it because we all know how Scott is, but last min he wanted Kendra last night and I just was not in the mood at all to fight with him so I said fine, take ken tonight. He did and an hour later was ready to drop her off…again he is just grasping for control, any sort of control. But I told him he cant just make a huge deal yelling and screaming that he wants Kendra...keep in mind he never just asks nicely, he starts off yelling lol and then an hour later say, no never mind I don’t want her. That’s not cool for Kendra myself hector or anyone. So anyways me and hec had a free night. We decided that neither of us wanted to cook so we picked up some take out and ate it in bed. Yummy! We had a lot of fun for some reason just laughing, wrestling, ignoring texts from both our ex’s who seem to always text right when things are getting hot lol, talking and giggling in bed. We watched some of our shows together then at about 10 we hopped in the shower *gotta save water right ;) lol* and then after I climbed into bed, I was sleepy and he stayed up because his UFC game he has been waiting for came out and I special ordered it for him so he was going to pick it up at midnight. I passed out and at 12:10 he jumps into bed saying “I GOT IT!!!!!” haha dork. I told him to let me know if it was fun or not because I was going back to bed and then the next thing I know he is crawling back into bed at 3:30am lol lol I looked at him and laughed because he had to get up at 530am to go to work, even he said “I’m goin to regret this” and he did haha. at least he had a short job and is home sleeping. Silly boy! I heart him. It was nice just being with each other and only each other. I love when he just come out with the random romantic stuff. Like at were laying there watching Charm School he said “I'm so glad were together, your amazing” so I added “yeah I am” and then that led to him kicking me off the bed lol. It was just so nice and fun…I know I keep saying that! But we are always so busy we forget how fun these little times can be. Good stuff. Anywhoo off to get more work done. Thrilling!

Weekend report

Good Morning…well afternoon now.
I am so exited – just had a business meeting with some clients and it went great! I am really proud of how well I did on my first client meeting! Go me! We were all going to meet at JFK and discuss a job and all that jazz so I just had Hec drop me off at my moms on his way to work so I can get ready here and then walk over to JFK, its like 10 steps away. But I was soo nervous, but at 7:30 came around I stuffed my pumps into my purse, threw on the flip flops and walked over to the meeting place. I probably looked funny while walking in professional clothes and then silver sparkly flip flops. I think I changed back into the heels before anyone saw. But it went great and fast and now I get to take the rest of the day off. I wish I could be with hec today. Today is the one year anniversary of his cousins, Jason Gamino, Murder. I remember this day very vividly a year ago and how it affected hec when he got the news. He had a job out in south san fran so he was near the cemetery and is meeting up with the family now.
This weekend was fun. Friday…hmm what the heck did we do Friday?! Lol I don’t know! Total mind blank. Work and then…who knows, we will pretend that we flew to Paris to have dinner. Yeah that sounds good. Lol. Then Saturday Scott calls at 9am and texts over and over that he is dropping Kendra off at 10. Bottom line. This is his weekend for Kendra, we had her 3 weekends in a row and granted I love having my girl but we had made plans already because we THOUGHT he was going to take her for the weekend. So then I call him back and hes yelling about how “no the plan is I watch her when you work and you watch her when I work. Its that fuckin simple…” and that would be fine and we could somehow work that out however he pulls this at the last second and I still watch her when hes not working and watch her when he is working so suddenly pulling this shit doesn’t make sense. Really all this was just about him trying to be in control. Trying to somehow still make me upset and make me angry. So I had to get up, make a million calls to everyone and finally got it worked out with my brother watching Kendra until 5 and then my dad watching her until 10 when scott picked her up. Its just annoying that even on his weekends with her I am responsible for finding a babysitter. That wouldn’t be bad at all but the way he asks..no demands and yells and demines and forces me into having to do it. I know he is hurting because he and Amy are not working out. She told him she just wants to be friends. I finally asked him if maybe he is starting to see that the way he treats people has a direct effect on why the last few girlfriends and myself cant handle being with him. I was telling him to not blame himself but rather take all this as a learning experience to better himself. Scott just dosent want to see it. He really truly doesn’t see how he treats people. How he demands they jump when he says jump but yet he wont do anything for them but criticize and hurt them and try to belittle them. Its sad because he is a great guy but he is just so covered by anger. Its frustrating because I keep trying to help and get him to see but he refuses. I feel bad for him but there is just nothing I can do anymore. It sucks.
But then the rest of the day we lounged and watched movies and played games then we went out for a super fun night out. A club for drinks and then to his brothers house for a party. It was a lot of fun. Then home for our own fun, after all it was our first free weekend in a while. :D :D no wait that’s what we did on Friday!! Lol lol lol Friday we did all of that. Saturday we went to Hecs parents house for a bbq. We were thinking that would be the day that hecs brother would tell his parents that he and his girl Maria are having a baby in 3 or 4 months but nope he chickened out lol. Me and Maria were talking for hella days about how she is leaving it up to them. But shes got a cute belly going now and its to hard to hide, I’m surprised no one noticed. But hopefully he tells them soon, you cant hide a bally for too long. Sunday we were at my mamas for a bbq. My brother was watching Kendra while Scott was at work but he had to leave at 3 so on our way over to my moms I picked her up because I get her at 530 on Sundays on scotts weekends with her so I didn’t mind at all a few hours earlier but then he calls saying he is going to call the cops because I kidnapped her blah blah. Wtf!? So he makes this big deal about how he had something planned and needs to pick her up now or hes going to be late. So I say OKAY, shes here when your ready to pick her up. So two hours later he shows up to pick her up. Even though he made a huge huge deal about how he has to be somewhere right then and there (2 hours ago) then he calls an hour later and is ready to drop her off. Again, the control issue. Its annoying as hell! If he wasn’t such an asshole about it, yenno just say please and thank you here and there it wouldn’t be so frustrating! Grrr. Lol
Oh well alright I’m off to enjoy my lifetime movie and the rest of my Monday off. Tata sex kittens!

Thank God for Iced Mochas

I am so ready to go home! This day has been busy! Not to mention I am a wee bit hung over. It was a friends birthday and usually I don’t go out on the weekdays because I have Kendra and because I have to wake up at 5am the next morning but in the spirit of her birthday we went out. I told myself that I wasn’t going to drink a lot just a few drinks to be social and so that the annoying guys who want to buy everyone a drink will leave me alone. But then there was the 1st birthday shot, then the second then the third and after the third birthday shot I forgot 9or didn’t care) that I wasn’t going to get smashed. But I wake up 5am with a massive hang over. Thank God for Iced Mochas! They are my savior. I am drinking my 3rd one today the least healthy but whatever.
Then my mother asks if I can assist her on a project, being my mama and that I am all caught up on the proposals and contracts I said SURE I will help. Wow I shouldn’t have done that. Now I’m staring at a stack of 478papers with 10-20 projects on each page and I have to go through line by line and change the rate tables and ect ect. At least it doesn't have to be done until the end of June but damn. It is a long tedious project. But hopefully I can pull some overtime from it. J J
Hmm as for tonight, this is my first free weekend in 3 weeks! I do believe we are going to a friend’s house for a bbq/party. And I will will will remember to get Travis those papers so he can serve Scott tonight! Scotts been really great lately, very friendly and just plain nice to me. I love when he has a girlfriend. I'm afraid he might lose her though. She is a very nice girl but for some reason he feels he has to be an ass and show her what a dick he can be to other people and that clearly doesn't please her. I keep telling him that we are at the age now where he’s not dealing with girls anymore, he is dealing with women. Women don’t like to see that the guy they are with is a jerk, they don’t like to see. hear how mean he is to his babys mama (ME!) because they think he might be like that to him. You have to think that already coming into a relationship with a man who is in the middle of a divorce from the woman he was with for 5 years and has a baby with, you know she’s thinking “what happened? Who left who and why”? so as I keep telling him, that by being a jerk off he is telling her that I left him BECAUSE he was a jerk. I have told him that right now in the dating stage he needs to go above and beyond to show what a great guy he can be. Because if he doesn't she may think, well if he cant even be a gentlemen now, then he never will be. We all know that the first few months are all candy coated and sweet and in a few months after the getting to know you and liking you for who you are stage. But I hope he can keep her. She seems so sweet and she’s so cute and so good with Kendra. I think that because of her sweetness she can do Scott a world of good. Hopefully he learned his lessons with me and will treat her better than he did me. I just hope it works out. alright back to my million papers! Woooo!