Im so nervous!!

Ugh I don’t know why im sooo nervous! I'm meeting with my lawyer today at 12 to go over the final petition for full custody and divorce ect. I know it’s the right thing and I have to keep telling myself that but it hurts soooo bad that it had to come to this. I stressed to my lawyer and paralegal that the visitation plan presented to the court is to be pretty much identical to the situation we have right now. Like iv said a gazillion times, its just that it will be on my terms weather he is stable enough to get the privilege of being with our amazing brilliant little girl. It hurts. A lot. But this is what has to happen so that Kendra and Scott will for sure have a great relationship and he will get better. I hope he doesn't flip out when he gets served the papers. He knows I’m going for full physical custody, I explained that to him after he sobered up the last drunken incident involving Kendra. but I think he thinks I’m still that meager little thing that listened to everything he said when we were together. My brother told me a quote and basically told me – you know he will hate you, you know he will lash out at you like he does but in the end he will thank you, he will see in the end all that you have done for him and he will be grateful for you – I sure hope that’s the case. I hope all this taking advantage of me and hec and my mom will end. I'm just so ready for all this to be over and its just beginning! *sigh* oh well just another one of life’s lessons! We live it, feel it and learn from it. I guess im learning to not marry your asshole high school sweetheart because he knocked you up for a second time and you think he will change lol. eh. He changed for a min there but once a jerk always a jerk. I know I talk shit about him but keep in mind that I love him – not that way anymore but he’s the father of my baby, he gave me the best gift ever and spending five years with some will always insure you have a place in your heart for them.